Mark's Napkin Collection

Mark’s Napkin Collection

by Mark Lyons

Image by ds_30 from Pixabay

SammySocks Etc. Blog - Comments and Observations from Someone Who Is a Retired Educator and the Father of Sammy of SammySocks Etc. Visit us at

            “Do you like my napkin collection?” asked Mark.

            “Oh, I see you have it arranged by color, size, texture, individual, and those included in silverware packets both enclosed in clear plastic and those closed up with a narrow paper band. What’s this last one?”


            “Have you ever considered ease of use?”

            “What do you mean?”

            “How easy is it to use the napkin. For example, some napkins are intertwined and folded in with the next napkin. These are somewhat difficult to extract a single napkin. Those in the clear plastic packets are usually single napkins but folded in half and in fan style so as to also be challenging to open up for use. Many of these are so thin that they tear while being unfolded.”


            “Have you noticed in building your collection, any correspondence between the quality of the napkin included with the food order and the price of the food?”

            “Great question! Let me give you a copy of a white paper I did back in 2020 that speaks to this very issue. Basically, it shows no correlation between the quality of the napkin dispensed and the price of the food. It took the napkin collecting world by storm. Set it on its ear. It is still reeling.”

            “Do you have, uh, how should I put this, any common napkins that you, uh, actually use?”

            “We don’t talk about it much, but, yes, I do.”

            “Have you ever thought about the possibility of creating your own brand of napkins?”

            “Why, yes, I have. In fact, I am currently working on a hybrid napkin. It’s a mixture of shredded plastic from used water bottles, old faculty t-shirts that teachers get every year and are either too small or have sweat stains under the arm pits thereby rendering the t-shirt as no longer wearable in public, paper from old lesson plans reduced to pulp, and some of the unraked leaves from my front yard. What do you think?”

            “Have you focused group tested it yet?”

            “Yes. It has done quite well with the younger male population. You know, the ones who like to use the words “fart”, “poop”, and “Dude”. They give the hybrid napkin a 99% satisfaction rating. We think it’s the leaves.”

            “Now, do you actually use any of the napkins from your collection?”

            “Excuse me? What?”

            “I said ….”

            “I heard what you said, and I am taken aback! That question is an affront to the entire napkin collecting world! Do we use our napkins!  I am embarrassed for you asking! Who are you? Why, I never! I think you should leave!”

            “Uh, ….”

            “Wait. I’m sorry. Uh, actually there have been times, and I have nightmares all the time about this, that we have, uh, used some of the napkins from the collection.”

            (Gasp! And a gasp again!)

            “But you have to understand. Our backs were against the wall! All of our common napkins were gone! We were eating chicken!”


*** Visit our YouTube Channel (SammySocks Etc.) on YouTube to view some of the performed blog posts from this blog as well as videos of Sammy and SammySocks Etc.

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