Mark and the Art of Grilling

Mark and the Art of Grilling

by Mark Lyons

Image by S. Hermann & F. Richter from Pixabay

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            “Honey, I’ve been pricing new gas grills, and they cost more than my first car,” says Mark as he comes into the house from the backyard.

            “How old are you really?” asks Sally, “and what kind of car did you have?”

            “You know my age, and it was a 19 something, Dodge…., wait, never mind,” says Mark. “Anyway, the grills are way too expensive. Besides, I have a better and cheaper way for outdoor grilling.”

            “Uh-oh,” says Sally.

            “I’m going old school,” says Mark.

            “Uh, what exactly does that mean?” asks Sally. “And what are you going to do to my house?”

            “First, I’m going to go out and chop some wood,” answers Mark. “We’ve got some branches on several of our trees that I can use. But that won’t be enough. Your sister has some trees on her land, right?”

            “Yeah?” says Sally. “I guess we can ask her.”

            “I just need old, already dead trees for the wood,” says Mark. “We can pile it in the back of the van. I’ll put down an old sheet to protect the car. It’ll be good.”

            “Use the back of the van?” whispers Sally.

            “Then I’ll get some cinder blocks and make a pit,” says Mark. “I’ve got some old rebar I saved from when we redo the driveway, but that’s another project. And by the way, I’ve got a cheaper and better way to redo the driveway with bits of tires, plastic bags, and old lesson plans.”

            “Another project?” says Sally.

            “The rebar will serve as the grill for the pit,” says Mark. “Once the rust burns off, it will work great. And they make really great grill lines on meat.”

            “Rust?” asks Sally.

            “I can see it all now,” says Mark. “I’ll get the pit in, do some grilling, and invite the buds and bros over. Word will get out. I’ll do more grilling, frying, baking, poaching, basting, and broiling. Cable TV will offer me a show. I’ll write cookbooks and be a celebrity guest judge on Chopped. And all because I didn’t want to pay more for a grill than my first car!”

            “On Chopped?” asks Sally.

            “And now that I have the pit, I am envisioning, not so much a man cave, as a family cave with a 60” TV, a refrigerator with beverages, a pool table, a dart board, laser tag, uh, okay, it’s a man cave,” says Mark.

            “Oh, Mark!” says Sally.