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How to Care for Your Socks and Also What Not to Do


How to Care for Your Socks and Also What Not to Do

by Mark Lyons

Image by PublicDomainPictures from Pixabay

SammySocks Etc. Blog - Comments and Observations from Someone Who Is a Retired Educator and Sammy’s Dad

     Hi! It is important to take care of your socks. Clean, fresh, and dry socks are the best thing for your feet other than walking barefoot through a thick, lush lawn. Below are some helpful tips on what to do to properly care for your socks and also what not to do to care for your socks.

 

  1. Do – Wash your socks in cold water using a gentle cycle.

    Do Not – Boil your socks in a cauldron suspended over an open flame until the colors run.

 

  1. Do – Use no bleach on your socks.

     Do Not – Soak you socks overnight in a porcelain crock in a 6% sodium hypochlorite bleach. Rinse, wring out and hang the socks to dry on an old pair of rabbit ear TV antennas.

 

  1. Do – Tumble dry your socks on low heat or just lay the socks out to dry.

    Do Not – Stick the socks onto the end of a green tree branch over an open fire deep in the woods along with the branch holding your smores.

 

  1. Do – Fold each pair of socks and store in a cool sock drawer.

    Do Not – Give your socks to your crazy uncle, the one with the backwards baseball cap, to toss into the back of his pickup truck.

 

  1. Do – Wear each pair of socks one time and then launder.

    Do Not – Wear a single pair of socks continually until the return of Haley’s comet.

 

  1. Do – Rotate each pair in your sock drawer every Saturday so recently laundered socks are worn last. This helps spread out the wear and tear for each pair of socks.

    Do Not – Keep you socks in your dryer which you forgot to turn on and pull out any two socks as needed.

 

  1. Do – Arrange your sock collection in 1 of 3 ways:
  2. Alphabetical order by type (crew, low cut, knee high, etc.), style (argyle, striped, patterned, etc.), or color (red, blue, green, etc.)
  3. Chronologically by date of purchase starting with the most recent at the back
  4. In columns by purchase price with the least expensive socks starting on the left and moving toward the right with more expensive socks

     Do Not – Toss your unpaired socks willy-nilly on your bedroom floor so they land on the opened pizza box holding a half-eaten pepperoni and anchovy pizza you left there three Saturday night’s ago.

 

  1. Do – While wearing a latex-free pair of gloves, carefully spritz each individual sock with a mixture of Perrier water and eucalyptus for freshness and soothing wearing comfort.

          Do Not – Spray your socks with your ex’s fairly inexpensive toilet water.

 

  1. Do – Magically sing Brahms Lullaby to your socks before you turn in each night.

     Do Not – Blast your socks with your old mix tape from the 70s – the one with all of your favorite punk rock bands (and maybe a little bit of disco).

 

  1. Do – Set each pair of your socks in a softly warmed sunroom steeped with the fragrance of a thousand butterfly wings.

     Do Not – Run over your socks with your neighbor’s 1984 GMC 4x4.

 

     To find a pair or more of socks that you may purchase and care for, please visit SammySocks Etc. at www.sammysocksetc.com and you will be whisked away to our store where you will be able to browse and shop as much as you like.


1 comment


  • Matthew Meltzer

    Funny


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