Hey, Let’s Get Takeout Tonight!
by Mark Lyons
Image by werner moser from Pixabay
SammySocks Etc. Blog - Comments and Observations from Someone Who Is a Retired Educator and the Father of Sammy (a Person with Autism). Visit us at www.sammysocksetc.com.
“Honey, let’s get takeout tonight!” said Mark.
“Why?” asked Sally. “Do you have a buy-1-get-1-free coupon from some fast-food joint you got in the mail?”
“Uh, ahem, wait just a second,” stammered Mark. The sound of paper being slowly folded and shoved into a back pocket can be heard in the background. “Of course not. Uh, why would you say that?”
“After being married to you for almost 30 years, I know,” replied Sally.
“Well, I’m shocked,” said Mark, a hurt look crossing over his gnarled yet still striking face. “Shocked!”
“It’s true, though, isn’t it?” asked Sally with a grin.
“Okay,” muttered Mark. “But it’s not a coupon. It’s a gift certificate.”
“Uh-huh,” said Sally.
“And it’s not a fast-food joint,” added Mark. “It’s an upper mid-range, moderately priced, rapidly prepared fare cuisineateria. Nothing on the menu is less than five dollars.”
“Really?” said Sally.
“Yes, and the extras they include with each meal are usually only offered at your finest eating establishments.”
“Please tell me more?” asked Sally.
“Well, you know how most places have those silverware packets in clear plastic with the napkins included?” asked Mark.
“Yes,” replied Sally.
“This place has an all-inclusive dining utensil,” exclaimed Mark. “It’s a fork, spoon, and knife all in one. I hear once you get used to using it, you will never go back to a regular and separate fork, spoon, and knife.”
“What else?” asked Sally. “I hope there’s more!”
“100%,” said Mark. “The other places have plain old napkins that are flimsy and don’t make it past the second time you have to wipe the mustard off your shirt. Well, and I know you are going to think that this is cute and sweet, and you’ll just laugh and laugh, but their napkins are really fancy. First, they are a classic brown color. Second, they have a pig in a sty stuffing himself with food embossed right on the napkin! Embossed!”
“Wow!” said Sally. “I’m speechless!”
“Right?” agreed Mark.
“Is there more?” asked Sally. “Please tell me there is no more!”
“Oh, there’s more!” said Mark. “They also include a very classy bib made out of the same material that exclusive restaurants use to cover their food once they have been prepared to help keep it all fresh until it is served.”
“You mean plastic wrap?” asked Sally.
“Uh, some people do call it that. Yes,” said Mark. “And to top it off as an extra bonus, they also add a digit exfoliating, skin hydrating, and germ reducing wrap!”
“It’s a wet wipe!” said Sally.
“Yeah, but this one is the size of a small dog!” exclaimed Mark.
“I don’t know about ordering from this place,” said Sally.
“This last extra will seal the deal,” said Mark. “They have this special sauce. It is the top of the line, 5-star restaurant level delicious. Very exclusive.”
“Okay,” said Sally. “What’s it like?”
“It’s tangy but not hot,” explained Mark. “The red color is to die for. The special spices tickle every part of your tongue. It is based on the toe-mah-toe. And the container it comes in can either dispense it in a small stream or you can open the dispenser for full dunking or pouring capabilities! Amazing, right?”
“Ketchup!” said Sally. “Their special sauce you are describing is ketchup!”
“How about you make something at home,” muttered Mark.
“Oh, Mark,” said Sally.
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