Cat Scratch Fever!
by Mark Lyons
Image by Margot Liebert-Korell from Pixabay
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“Ooooooooouuuuuuuch!” hollered Mark. “I think the cat scratched me!”
“What?” asked Sally. “What did you do?”
“I wasn’t doing anything!” explained Mark as he peered over his vintage glasses at a tiny line on the back of his right hand.
“Really?” asked Sally.
“All I did was brush by his tail,” said Mark.
“That’s all?” asked Sally.
“Uh-huh!” replied Mark. “And maybe try to grab it.”
“Yeah, see,” said Sally. “He was just defending himself.”
“But it hurts!”’ whined Mark. “I think I’ve got blood poisoning already. See the red line going up my arm!”
“That’s just the scratch,” said Sally. “I need a magnifying glass to even see it.”
“So you can see it!” said Mark. “It’s worse than I thought!”
“Do you want me to put some medicine on it?” asked Sally.
“Yes, yes I do,” said Mark with a slight sniffle. “Give me everything you’ve got.”
“Let’s start with some hydrogen peroxide,” said Sally.
“Uh, mumble, mumble, mumble,” mumbled Mark.
“What was that?” asked Sally.
“Hurt!”said Mark. “Is it going to hurt?
“I thought you were a Boy Scout at one time?” asked Sally. “Didn’t they prepare you for stuff like this?”
“Uh, yeah, no,” replied Mark. “Snakes, cougars, mountain lions, and bears, but not kitties, uh, I mean domesticated felis catus!”
“What?” asked Sally.
“Never mind,” said Mark. “Anyway, where’s that peroxide? Let me bite on this stick while you pour it on my wound.”
Sally pours a small amount of hydrogen peroxide on the scratch. A part of the scratch began to fizz.
“What is happening?” screamed Mark. “It’s rabies, isn’t it? That’s what peroxide does with rabies!”
“Hydrogen peroxide fizzes when it touches blood,” explained Sally.
“Put other medicine on it!” yelled Mark. “Before it turns into cat scratch fever by Ted Nugent! What else do we have?”
“We have triple antibiotic ointment,” said Sally.
“Isn’t there a quadruple or quintuple antibiotic cream?” asked Mark.
“This will do just fine,” said Sally. “And it might sting a little.”
“Where did I put my stick?” moaned Mark. “And can I have a Scooby Doo band aid put on this time?” asked Mark. “Last time you put on a Sponge Bob one and it fell right off. They don’t hold up well with bubble wands.”
“Okay,” said Sally.
“You won’t put it on too tight either, will you?” asked Mark. “The last one was too tight, and I had a tough time texting my buds and bros.”
“Oh, Mark,” said Sally.