Measure Once, Cut Twice?

Measure Once, Cut Twice?

by Mark Lyons

Image by Pezibear from Pixabay

            “Measure twice, cut once?” mutters Mark under his breath. “Wait, or is it measure once, cut twice? Maybe it’s give up and hire a deck installer who knows what they are doing?”

            Mark stands back and stares at the bare ground next to his above ground swimming pool where he wants to build a 10’ x 10’ deck. The deck is to serve as a platform on which to enter and exit the pool.

            “I can do this,” says Mark out loud. “Hey, I’ve watched enough PBS television shows to know what I am doing. Let’s see, there’s “This Old House”, “Antiques Road Show”, “The Joy of Painting”, “Let’s Grow Stuff”. And I also have watched “Chopped”. If they can make a dessert with chicken feet, I certainly can put up this deck. I pretty much know what I am doing. Sure.”

            Mark stands there a bit longer thinking.

            “Let’s do this!” Mark exclaims. “I’ve got my Mr. Buddy Jr. Carpenter Kit, my Just the Right Size leather tool belt with build in juice box holder, and I’m wearing a pair of my assorted colors crew socks from SammySocks Etc. I am good to go! What can go wrong?”

            Five hours, $647.23 worth of lumber, three wacked thumbs (one thumb wacked twice), one gray hoody screwed to the steps, and two hammers deep-sixed in the pool later, Mark straightens his aching back and declares, “I think if Picasso had designed a deck, even he would have considered this one too avant garde. Personally, I think plumb, square, and level are all overrated. At least the water won’t puddle on the deck when it rains. How can it? The slope has to be at least at 20 degrees. Let me measure it with my Junior Carpenter protractor. Let’s see……., oh, 22 degrees.”

             “Honey, we may have to screw the lawn chairs onto the deck!”